Well, I am officially on my new computer!!! It is an HP Notebook, specifically a G62-227CL Notebook for all of you nerds out there who are 'tech' saavy. I am quite proud of this investment because it is my first big purchase I have made on my own. Many hours went into working at RuffaloCODY last week to pay for this lil' bugger and I love it. I feel truly blessed to be able to provide this computer for myself and realize that I am beginning and entering the stage in my life where I am able to rely more and more on myself (through God's grace and provision of providing me with the skills to be able bodied and work).
God comes first in my life.
This is why I decided to see how 'Godly' of a life I am truly leading. About 3 months ago I stopped listening to secular music. Oh boy, was this hard! I love my country music and good ol' 80's and just plain oldies!!!! I did this because I wanted to see how my attitude changed and was affected. Well, I can tell you for the first few days I was not happy. I wanted so badly to turn the channel back to my country station. But I perservered and prayed. I stuck with it. I truly believed that all Christian music sounded the same and to be honest, some of it still does to me. BUT I kept with my challenge and found myself actually listening to some of the songs I had heard over and over again. I began to glean messages from them that had not been comprehensible to me before.
Yesterday I turned the radio station back to my country music station and I cringed, literally! What was coming through my car speakers was a song I had heard a thousand times before but I was listening to it with a 'fresh perspective' and 'new ears.' Now, my attitude had not been all that bad before I stopped listening to the secular music. I had learned to tune out even the small things that were unpleasing to God. The second I turned that radio dial back to 98.1 KHAWK Country I was slammed in the face, well more precisly the ears, with lyrics that I knew would have made my own Grandma cringe...but more importantly would have made God cringe.
Immediatly turning off the radio, I prayed. The thought of going through my room and purging my CD collection (which includes old CD's from my less than average intelligent middle school self...think Britney Spears and N'SYNC mania) as well as my DVD collection have been plaguing my thoughts for about the span same span of time. Well, I finally did it. I sat down in my room after reading Genesis Ch. 19:12-26 (God destroys Sodom and Gomorrah) the previous night. I kept thinking about Lot's wife who looked back on the cities being destroyed and how she was turned into a pillar of salt.
She only looked back for a second but a second was all it took. This reminds me of Jesus talking to his Peter (I think, check the reference if I am wrong) and telling him he must leave everything behind to follow him and not look back; for the people who look back cannot follow Jesus for their gaze and heart are fixed on other things. Again, it is late, and check the reference of where this is at...I believe Matthew but again, check for yourself.
So there I sat, on my wood floor staring at my DVD's with determination to throw away all of the DVD's which I believe to be displeasing to God. I took a deep breath and put all of the DVD's I knew to be rated 'R' in a pile...except for one. Then I went through again and began to sift through all of my DVD's rated PG-13 specifically pulling out the one's which I knew made my mind go places and think things they shouldn't. Then I began to second guess myself and make excuses. I then became frustrated and prayed again. Starting over I took that last DVD which was rated 'R' (which happened to be my favorite movie) and put it in the pile. I then sifted through the PG-13 stack and got rid of half of the movies which I knew made fueled bad emotions and attitudes and threw them into a pile. After this process was done I put them in a pile to sell to half price books.
"WAIT A SECOND!" How fair is it of me to try and eradicate sin (as much as humanly possible) from my own life but then try to sell it to someone else and make a profit??? I don't think so...not fair at all and not ethical or biblical in any stretch of the means. After much contemplation I went downstairs to talk with my parents. We came to the conclusion that it was unfair to me to try and sell my own DVD's which caused me to stumble and let someone else buy them who might also stumble...meaning, it was me who got rid of the DVD and then by selling it put it into the hands of someone else...causing them to sin...so I made someone else sin...great!!! EH!!!!!!!!!!! *ANNOYING BUZZER SOUND* Not okay!!!
So, doing something that is horribly unnatural especially in America...I threw away 'all of those DVD's. Yep, you might be reading this and thinking "this Hollyann girl has gone off the deep end!" Yeah, maybe I have. I am not saying this for everyone; not everyone shares the same struggles I do. I know that by getting rid of all of my CD's that affect my attitude and the DVD's which prove to be a distraction and a deterant from what I should really be doing and spending my time with, will ultimately result...for me...a closer relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ.
In other news this coming week marks my last week home for the summer and then I am off to Orange City for my last round as a Senior in college. I have started filling out graduate school applications and am looking forward to see what the Lord has in store for me...right now a laundry basket piled high full of clean clothes is beckoning my name to be put away.
Blessings to you,
Hollyann
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